You've most likely heard the old adage “no one gets out of life for free,” which is an interesting way to say that every one of us will experience sadness, stress, betrayal, pain, and loss in this life.
Each day can be filled with stress and unique challenges. Add to that the inevitable passing of the parents who raised you, the potential distance of childhood best friends, the prospect of divorce leading to mourning the loss of once-perfect families, job loss, and the experience of unbearable pain and loss.
What separates truly resilient people from those who succumb to misery, and unhealthy habits, is learning how to best process and respond to everything, including heartbreaks, failures, and stumbles.
“It is only heavy when you decide to carry it as a burden over and over again.” – Yung Pueblo
None of us are unique in the sense that we all struggle. Our problems don’t make us special; they make us human. It’s part of this messy, beautiful experience called life.
However, when life's challenges come knocking, how we decide to face them makes all the difference.
Three Practices of Emotional Resilience
1. Feel It, Don't Numb It
Growth comes when we allow ourselves to feel everything—the highs and the lows—instead of avoiding or numbing them. When you can embrace your feelings and understand that they’re just that – feelings – you will expand as a human being. Numbing those feelings with food or alcohol won’t help and only 'kicks the can down the road,' as all feelings will eventually need to be processed.
This was not an easy realization for me as an overweight emotional eater. I learned this skill years ago when it was hardest to implement in my life. At the time, I felt like my life was imploding before my eyes. Moving three times in a year, my husband's job loss, my son deciding to live with his dad, and several other family issues all collided at once. I had a habit of numbing it with food, but the added weight and unprocessed emotions only made things worse.
I knew I needed help, and it was time to search for a real solution. I found the solution in a set of tools and resources to help me feel and process my emotions instead of eating them. I learned that it is okay to ask for help, and in fact, the only way to true growth is admitting we can't do it on our own.
2. Have Patience In The Process
The change didn't come overnight, and I learned that baby steps are key. Learning to have patience with yourself is an act of self-love. We don't grow from criticism, shame, or guilt. We grow from compassion, curiosity, and love.
In times past, especially in my parents' time, speaking about emotional resilience was never a thing. Instead, we were told to 'pull up our big girl panties' and push through without tears or complaints. Some parents are still teaching this garbage to their kids. Learning true emotional resilience sometimes requires unlearning what we learned early on.
Instead of pushing through, emotional resilience helps us navigate life in an empowered state, which helps us achieve true health—mind, body, and spirit. It's not optional in my opinion; it's crucial to a happy, healthy life.
3. Choose to View Everything As An Opportunity For Growth
Another key to success is to see every pain, challenge, obstacle, and stumble as an opportunity to learn and grow. Much of the discomfort in this life comes from avoidance. But what we resist persists. So ask yourself what you can learn or what skill you can gain from each experience, and it will help you see the challenge for what it is and use it instead of feeling like a victim of it.
It might not be super obvious in the moment, but all experiences can teach us something or add a tool to our toolbox to help someone else.
Being divorced has made me a really good shoulder to cry on when I meet someone mourning the loss of their marriage.
Having failures has pointed to better ways of doing things that create success in my life.
And experiencing loss has helped me learn what to say to others experiencing their own loss.
Every experience has value if we allow for it.
The bottom line is that emotional resilience in life is a choice and a skill. It’s totally within your control, and it’s like a muscle that needs to be developed and worked on.
If you need help with building emotional resilience, I suggest getting on the waitlist for The Wellness Mastery Society where I teach tools and techniques to build and strengthen you mentally and emotionally.
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